Sometimes

I look the part
blend in with the rest of the church crowd
I know the routine
I could list all the bible studies in town
watch christian TV
I know all the preachers...their cliches
been born again, without a doubt I know I'm saved
 

But sometimes I hurt and sometimes I cry
sometimes I can't get it right
no matter how hard I try
sometimes I fall down
stumble over my own disguise
I try to look strong
as the whole world looks on
but sometimes alone I cry.

"Sometimes I Cry" - Jason Crabb 

The words to that song really speak to me. I've been there. You walk through the world with a smile on your face and a "Thank you, Jesus!" on your lips, but behind the mask there are tears. You know that people are watching and you always want to shine a light in the darkness. You want everyone to see Jesus in you. You want them to be encouraged. 

But sometimes, at home, all alone and behind closed doors, the mask comes off and the tears are pouring down. It's not that the Christian life is too hard or too strict and we're certainly not trying to be fakes. It's just that, sometimes we are trying so very hard to be like Jesus and failing so miserably. It seems like the closer you get to Jesus, the more you notice you're not very much like Him.

I know I'm saved through Jesus' blood and I know that He lives in me and loves me. But I want so desperately to reflect perfectly His character and love to the whole world and sometimes I notice that I'm not doing it very well at all. The tears are not tears of sadness or of pain, but of frustration.  I know that if they see the real Jesus, they'll love Him. But the only way they'll ever see Him is in His people.

There is no plan "B".... God has ordained that salvation comes through the "foolishness" of preaching. Men and women preaching Jesus, not just with their words, but with their lives. We want to make sure we do it right. Eternity is at stake.