Jesus Freak Journal: 05/10

5.23.2010

Are You Sure?

I was sitting in the doctor's office and quite frankly I was scared. I was nauseous, sweating and my arms were aching. Oh, and my heart was beating at 149 beats per minute. I thought I was having a heart attack. The doctor had just run an EKG and taken blood and was away in the lab checking the results. I was praying.
Now, I know that some of you who read this don't believe that God talks to people anymore. And I know that many will say it was stress or fear or some emotional experience I was having.... but this is what happened. I remember saying as I prayed "Thy will be done". I guess it's partly a habit, partly just how I learned to pray, but I always ask as humbly and truthfully as I can that God's will be done. I know that His will is perfect and what I want isn't always what I need. Anyway, just as I finished saying "Thy will be done" I heard the Holy Spirit speak to me. There was no audible voice (at least I don't think there was) , it was right there inside me. But it was more than a thought or an idea; It was a voice! It wasn't coming from my head, but from my spirit. The voice said "If it's my perfect will that you die right now, here in this doctor's office, will that be still alright with you?".
I don't know what shocked me more, the fact that the Holy Spirit was speaking to me or the question He asked! I started to answer "yes, Lord" (like a good Christian should?) but I couldn't. This wasn't the time for a "Christian " answer, but for a serious, heartfelt, truthful answer; Would I still want God's will to be done even if I knew that meant my death?
I sat there and thought about it. I was still alone and still scared and my heart was still racing. I asked myself if what I had been praying was true or was it just what I thought God wanted to hear me say. I searched my heart and decided that yes, I did want God's will to be done, even if it killed me. So I said out loud "Yes, Lord I do want your perfect will to be done, even if it means I have to die right here. I don't want to die right here, I want you to heal me. I want you to make this heart calm down and this fear go away, but I want your will to be done even more. I am yours, do with me as you please."
I took that prayer very, very seriously. I didn't know for sure what was going to happen to me. Suddenly, a peaceful feeling engulfed me. I didn't stop hurting, nor did my heart stop racing, but I felt at peace. I knew that I really did want God's will to be done and although I wanted to live, I would gladly die right there. God forced me to take stock of my own heart and judge my own words! I knew that live or die, I would be just fine!
I'm telling you what happened and I will allow you to make of it whatever you will. I know that God gave me a great gift that day; He gave me insight into my own heart such as I have never had before and may never have again. Just knowing that I trust Him beyond any doubt, even with my very life, has changed me. It has strengthened me. It has given me peace way down inside.
There are some things we just can't learn when everything is going great. When there's no trouble, no suffering, no worries and no pain, it's easy to speak "Christianese" and give the pat answer. But when the sponge gets squeezed, we find out what's really inside of it.

5.17.2010

Sick and Tired (of being sick and tired)

I've been sick for a little while now. For the last 7 months I've been getting sick, being sick or getting over being sick. I'm sick of it! But, believe it or not, it's done me good!
Being this sick for this long has made me take a hard look at pretty much everything I thought I knew and believed; about me, about life, and also about God. In sickness, the Holy Spirit has taught me more in 7 months than I learned the last 25 years of my Christian life! It's a hard way to learn, but it sure is effective!
It's been a while since my last post and I've really missed it. But, it's hard to think about much else when you feel so poorly in your body. I want to share some of the things I've learned and I promise to do so shortly.
I'm thankful that our Heavenly Father loves us so very much that He is willing to allow us to suffer (as He suffers watching us suffer!) and learn and grow, rather than allow us to be ignorant and complacent in peace and wellness. That's real love! But He promised that the good work He has begun in us, He will finish. Let His perfect will be done.... whether it feels good or not.

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Words of Wisdom

“If we truly believe He is who He says He is, then we must acknowledge His sovereignty and know within our heart of hearts that what He allows to happen to us always has a purpose. Even on the darkest night. Even when our souls cry out in unspeakable pain. Even when we can't face another day. Even when we can't sense His presence. We hold on because we know He's holding on to us as well - whether it feels like it or not.” ~ Diane Moody

“The "war" is being fought along the line between sin and righteousness in every family. It is being fought along the line between truth and falsehood in every school... Between justice and injustice in every legislature... Between integrity and corruption in every office... Between love and hate in every ethnic group... Between pride and humility in every sport... Between the beautiful and the ugly in every art... Between right doctrine and wrong doctrine in every church... Between sloth and diligence between coffee breaks. It is not a waste to fight the battle for truth and faith and love on any of these front." ~ John Piper

“The Buddhist has to find enlightenment through striving and the Hindu must find perfection through reincarnation. The Muslim must make trips to Mecca and the Jew must trust in his works. But in Christianity, the sinner needs only to find Jesus and believe in Him. No other religion in the world offers so much in exchange for faith – for accepting the gift of salvation God offers in Christ. No wonder so many adherents of other religions, once they understand the simplicity of the Christian Gospel, embrace Jesus with open arms.” ~ David Jeremiah

“Do all the good you can. By all the means you can. In all the ways you can. In all the places you can. At all the times you can. To all the people you can. As long as ever you can.” ~ John Wesley

“If sinners be damned, at least let them leap to Hell over our dead bodies. And if they perish, let them perish with our arms wrapped about their knees, imploring them to stay. If Hell must be filled, let it be filled in the teeth of our exertions, and let not one go unwarned and unprayed for.” ~ Charles Spurgeon

“I have learned that I will not change the world, Jesus will do that. I can however, change the world for one person. I can change the world for fourteen little girls and for four hundred schoolchildren and for a sick and dying grandmother and for a malnourished, neglected, abused five-year old. And if one persons sees the love of Christ in me, it is worth every minute. In fact, it is worth spending my life for.” ~ Katie Davis

“Disagreements are inevitable. There will always be opposing viewpoints and a variety of perspectives on most subjects. Tastes differ as well as preferences. That is why they make vanilla and chocolate and strawberry ice cream, why they build Fords and Chevys, Chryslers and Cadillacs, Hondas and Toyotas. That is why our nation has room for Democrats and Republicans, conservatives and liberals - and moderates. The tension is built into our system. It is what freedom is all about, including religious freedom.
I am fairly firm in my theological convictions, but that doesn't mean you (or anyone) must agree with me. All this explains why we must place so much importance on leaving "wobble room" in our relationships. One's theological persuasion may not bend, but one's involvement with others must.” ~ Charles Swindoll

Words of Wisdom

"I am trying here to prevent anyone saying the really foolish thing that people often say about Him: 'I'm ready to accept Jesus as a great moral teacher, but I don't accept His claim to be God.' That is the one thing we must not say. A man who was merely a man and said the sort of things Jesus said would not be a great moral teacher. He would either be a lunatic -- on the level with the man who says he is a poached egg -- or else he would be the Devil of Hell. You must make your choice. Either this man was, and is, the Son of God: or else a madman or something worse. You can shut Him up for a fool, you can spit at Him and kill Him as a demon; or you can fall at His feet and call Him Lord and God. But let us not come with any patronizing nonsense about His being a great human teacher. He has not left that open to us. He did not intend to." – CS Lewis in Mere Christianity

"Postmodernism tells us there’s no such thing as truth; no such thing as meaning; no such thing as certainty. I remember lecturing at Ohio State University, one of the largest universities in this country. I was minutes away from beginning my lecture, and my host was driving me past a new building called the Wexner Center for the Performing Arts. He said, “This is America’s first postmodern building.” I was startled for a moment and I said, “What is a postmodern building?” He said, “Well, the architect said that he designed this building with no design in mind. When the architect was asked, ‘Why?’ he said, ‘If life itself is capricious, why should our buildings have any design and any meaning?’ So he has pillars that have no purpose. He has stairways that go nowhere. He has a senseless building built and somebody has paid for it.” I said, “So his argument was that if life has no purpose and design, why should the building have any design?” He said, “That is correct.” I said, “Did he do the same with the foundation?” All of a sudden there was silence. You see, you and I can fool with the infrastructure as much as we would like, but we dare not fool with the foundation because it will call our bluff in a hurry." ~ Ravi Zacharias

"Here, then, is the real problem of our negligence. We fail in our duty to study God's Word not so much because it is difficult to understand, not so much because it is dull and boring, but because it is work. Our problem is not a lack of intelligence or a lack of passion. Our problem is that we are lazy." ~ R.C. Sproul

"The church must be reminded that it is not the master or the servant of the state, but rather the conscience of the state. It must
be the guide and the critic of the state, and never its tool. If the church does not recapture its prophetic zeal, it will become an
irrelevant social club without moral or spiritual authority." ~
Martin Luther King, Jr.

“God is not looking for brilliant men, is not depending upon eloquent men, is not shut up to the use of talented men in sending His Gospel out in the world. God is looking for broken men, for men who have judged themselves in the light of the Cross of Christ. When He wants anything done, He takes up men who have come to an end of themselves, and whose trust and confidence is not in themselves but in God.” ~H.A. Ironside

It is unfair to draw too tight a comparison between abortion in America and the Holocaust in Nazi Germany. There are significant differences. First, the Holocaust was carried out, by and large, in secret. The rank and file Germans had no idea what was going on. We, on the other hand, every last one of us, woke up today knowing that four thousand babies would die today. We, on the other hand, have four thousand mothers, every day, who knowingly do this. We, on the other hand, have four thousand fathers, boyfriends and husbands who every day encourage this. The Holocaust lasted roughly ten years, and the Nazi's killed roughly six million people. We, on the other hand, have been at this for 35 years, and have killed more than fifty million babies. It is an unfair comparison, unfair to the Nazis. We are far worse monsters. ~ R.C. Sproul Jr.

"The good news is that Christ frees us from the need to obnoxiously focus on our goodness, our commitment, and our correctness. Religion has made us obsessive almost beyond endurance. Jesus invited us to a dance...and we've turned it into a march of soldiers, always checking to see if we're doing it right and are in step and in line with the other soldiers. We know a dance would be more fun, but we believe we must go through hell to get to heaven, so we keep marching." ~ Steve Brown

The significance of blood in the sacrificial system is that it represents life. The Old Testament repeatedly makes the point that "the life of the flesh is in the blood" (Lev. 17:11). Therefore, when the blood is poured out, the life is poured out. That's significant, because under the covenant of works in the garden, the penalty that was laid down for disobedience was death. God required that penalty for sin. That is why Jesus had to die to accomplish the atonement. When the blood is shed and the life is poured out, the penalty is paid. Nothing short of that penalty will do. ~ RC Sproul